Varieties of Abuse Descriptions and examples
*(Please understand that there does not have to be visible bruises for there to be abuse.) All abuse damages some part of the total man (physical, spiritual, or emotional). All abuse takes time to heal completely. Changing the form of the abuse is not the same as stopping the abuse.
Domestic violence can range from a single look to a gunshot.
Restrictions on employment, making the abused ask for money, giving the abused an allowance and taking all the money that the abused earns. i.e. Strict requirement to account for every penny spent while grocery shopping.
Emotional abuse is any communication, admonition, directive, or conflict resolution that does not uplift, edify, or build the relationship. Examples of these are put-downs, name-calling, mind-games, extreme controlling behaviors, conditional affection, and loss of identity.
Hostile humor, public humiliation, criticism, denigrating appearance, parenting skills, housekeeping skills, cooking and so on. (i.e. being required to eat foods that the abused does not like).
Use of looks, actions, gestures, loud voices, or cursing to generate fear. Continually instigating arguments. The abused is required to say what abuser wants to hear.
Controls what is done, who is seen, and who is talked to. Limits or listens in on phone calls. Sabotages car, restriction of outside interests. Frequent moves. Required to stay in house. Restricts access to mail. Deprived of friends and family.
Physical abuse is any touch not given in love, respect, or dignity. Beating, biting, choking, grabbing, hitting, kicking, pinching, pulling hair, punching, pushing, restraining, scratching, shaking, slapping, and shoving, twisting arms, using weapons, spanking, smothering tripping. Even excessive tickling can be abusive.
Denial of basic rights. Using legal means of forcing power. Depravation of private or personal life. Mandated duties, placing unreasonable limits, i.e. controlling the amount of water used.
Punching walls, smashing things, and destroying property. Breaking down doors, pounding tables, abuse of pets, and so on.
Making the abused responsible for everything in life (bills, parenting, housework, and so on)
Demanding unwanted or bizarre sexual acts. Physical attacks to sexual parts of the body. Treatment of the abused as a sex object. Interrupt of sleep for sex. Forced sex, and exposing to an environment of sex and pornography can also be a form of sexual abuse.
Use of silence as a weapon. Cannot or will not communicate or express emotions.
Use of scripture and words like “submission” and “obey” out of context to control or manipulate.
Spying. Following to activities, (store, church, work, and so on) Extreme distrust and jealousy.
Threats to end relationships, to do harm emotionally or physically, threats to life, to take children, to commit suicide, to report to the authorities, or forcing the abused to break the law.
Use of Children
Use of children to give messages. Use of visitation rights as a way to harass. Use of child support as leverage.
Use of Privilege
Treatment of the abused like a servant. Unilateral decision making. Acting like you are the “master of the castle”.